I haven't been on in a while...just busy dealing with life I guess. Anyway, alot has changed since I was last here. First, DH finally made the move up here, and has even landed a great job, with lots of perks including a company car. He is even taking online courses to get an associates degree. *I'm so proud of him* I changed jobs and switched back into law enforcement. I thought I needed a change, but found that I really missed it. Any how, I finally have a salary I can survive on again. The kiddo's are doing really well in school. And really,the only thing for us to do now is dig ourselves out of this financial hole, move into our own place, and finally start really living again.
Oh also, DH and I recently celebrated eight years of marriage. And, for my big announcement...(and this is something i've been wanting to do for years, but was afraid for various reasons, you know the whole fear of failure thing) I finally commited a year to writing my very first contemporary fiction novel!!! I expect to be finished April 26, 2008. So, i'll be working hard this next year.

Watch out ya'll...the DIVA is on a comeback!!!

Tonight was great! Actually, my entire weekend was something else. Saturday, I took a three hour road trip to attend my first cousin's birthday party which was sooo much fun. I swear, being there really made me miss my friends from my old life We drove back the next afternoon, and picked up kiddo 1 & 2. After that, the kiddos and I participated in the Light The Night Walk. It was sooo inspiring, we did it in honor of DH who is actively battling Leukemia. It really was a lot of fun, and I feel so blessed that despite my financial circumstances, I was able to make a contribution that will help so many. Yay me!!! Anyway, I guess I need to go and get my Diva sleep. Ya'll be good 'til next time.

def. Brokedown Diva: High maintenance Diva, on a low maintenance budget. (Yep, that's me).

Is it me, or did Target just suddenly decide to go cute? Yesterday I happened upon Target (pronounced Tar-je' in Diva lingo), when I saw this sexy-chic tote bag that I just had to have. The only problem was that I didn't have any money. Well not any that I could afford to spend at the time. So, I called myself trying that little shopping technique where you leave whatever it is that you want at the store for like two or three days, and then chances are by that time, the sense of urgency in buying it has worn off, and you probably won't want it as much. Well, in an effort at trying that technique, I left it there. But today.......BIG SIGH...... (whispering now) I went back, and the bag came home with me. Shhhh! Don't tell DH. I know, I know, i'm pitiful, but I couldn't help it. In my defense though, I wanted this cute little wallet too, but, I didn't get it. I left it there. I am getting better b/c I waited a whole day. Now I need I massage.

I'll probably go get that wallet next week

Today was a really pleasant Sunday. I was supposed to go to church this morning, but didn't. I did wake up with cramps though (hate this time). Later, I went shopping for a few clothing pieces to add to my wardrobe for my new job. This is the first time in 10 years that I don't have to wear a uniform, which is part of the change I was looking to make. After that, I went to see one of Diva's best friend's (known forever more as DBF #1) new house. It was really beautiful, and i'm happy for her. It is really good to see God manifest in people's lives. She and I got to talking, and our conversation turned to what I discussed in yesterday's blog. DBF #1 admitted to me that she too felt somewhat dissatisfied at how she seemed to be missing out on the "good stuff." she said that she wanted to be more involved in the arts. Attend jazz nights, and poetry readings, see plays, take a pilates class, that sort of thing. And i'm thinking wow, she totally gets where i'm at, that's why she's a DBF. There's only one other like her--we come in three's. So anyway, it was at that point that we both vowed to pick an event each week from the newspaper, and attend it, you know, in an attempt to transform life into a verb. After I left her, I went to another store to buy this belt that's been on my mind lately (you should know that I have this insane love affair with purses, shoes, and belts--the good stuff always comes in three's) but when I got there, I realized that it was $1.30 more than I thought it was. So, I left it, how ridiculous is that? So much for life as a verb huh? I wonder which issue category that falls under. That's okay, my life will be a verb yet!

Do you guys really feel like you are living? Do you define life as a noun or a verb? I think life for me has been more of a noun, no matter how I try to glitz it up here or glam it up there, it's still just a noun--a thing. Mostly empty, and very rarely fulfilling. I can't help but think that there has to be something else to it. You know...something more. **BIG SIGH** But what?
I spend alot of time reading the thoughts of other bloggers, some of which are witty, insightful, deep, moving, for a cause, etc. But, when I read over my posts, it just seems to be a bunch of brainless ramblings. That's when I guess I start self reflecting. Because I too, am witty, insightful, thought provoking, and so on. So what's my problem man? Am I so uninspired by anything, current or past events, that I don't bother to deal with them? Or maybe, i'm too preoccupied to just stop and take a look around at anything other than what's put on my plate? I think the problem--as bad as this may sound--is that it just takes too much energy. Too much of me. More than I have to give of myself, to show this other dimension of myself. So I guess i'd rather have this "pretty pink princess" demeanor thing going, rather than confront and deal with my deeper issues. And I don't really know how to live up to my own definition of "do better." I want to "do better" but how? I must admit though, UK singer Corinne Bailey Rae's words, "you're gonna find yourself some way...some how," have more or less become my mantra.

And on another note, I do contribute and participate in the annual Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Light The Night Walk. I do this in honor of DH who is actively battling Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia, and, this year will be the first in my new town. So there, that's one of my causes. I guess I just have to prove to myself that I am multi-dimensional. I have to make my life a verb.

Thanks for listening...err, reading